I love a good joke and this is really one that I like. Thanks, Terry.
Lawyers. Ya' gotta' love 'em. They'll try anything
to twist and turn a phrase to get their client off. There's a book out there called
"Disorder in the American Courts"; it contains things people said in court,
word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had
the torment of trying to stay calm while these exchanges were taking place.
Attorney: This myasthenia gravis; does it affect
your memory at all?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And in what way does
it affect your memory?
Witness: I forget things.
Attorney: You forget? Can you give us an example
of something you forgot?
Attorney: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know it until the next morning?
Witness: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Attorney: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
Witness: He's twenty, much like your I.Q.
Attorney: Were you present when your picture was taken?
Witness: Are you shitting me?
Attorney: So the date of conception
(of the baby) was August 8th?
Witness: Yes.
Attorney: And what were you
doing at the time?
Witness: Getting laid.
Attorney: She had three children, right?
Winess: Yes.
Attorney: How many were boys?
Witness: None.
Attorney: How many were girls?
Witness: Your honor, I think I need a different lawyer.
Can I get a new lawyer?
Attorney: How many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
Witness: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
Attorney: Do you recall what time you examined the body?
Witness: The autopsy started about 8:30 P.M.
Attorney: And Mr. Denton was dead at that time?
Witness: If not, he was by the time I was finished.
Attorney: Doctor, before you did the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?
Witness: No.
Attorney: Did you check for breathing?
Witness: No.
Attorney: So, it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
Witness: No.
Attorney: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
Witness: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Attorney: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
Witness: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Very Funny!
Too funny Liz, thanks for the chuckle!
I have to show this to my attorney friend... LOL. That was GREAT! Thanks for the chuckle.
Liz - This was hilarious. After the day I had today, this is just what I needed tonight! :)
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Liz, I do enjoy a good joke, especially in the morning when it's not on me! Thanks for sharing.
I always get worried about attorneys and doctors. Mostly do to the fact that they are practicing and I want someone who knows what they are doing.